The Flea Market Negotiator - Part 9

Fairness – The Mythical Balance Between You and Them

Ah, fairness. That ever-elusive unicorn in the wild jungle of negotiation.

Now, when people hear “fairness,” they often imagine equality—everybody getting the exact same thing. Like Oprah: “You get a car! You get a car!” But true fairness isn’t everyone getting the same. It’s everyone getting what’s appropriate. Big difference.

Think of it like this: You don’t give a toddler and a grown man the same amount of food. If you do, someone’s either going to starve… or explode.

Fairness in negotiation is about understanding context, needs, and capacity. It’s about proportion, not perfection.

Let me break it down for you: if you're at the flea market, and you’re selling vintage sunglasses, and a teenager walks up with three coins and a dream—you might give them a discount. But if a guy pulls up in a luxury SUV and starts haggling over 25 cents, it’s perfectly fair to hold your ground. Why? Because fairness isn’t blind. Fairness sees the full picture.

And here's a fun twist: being fair is strategic.

When people feel you’re being fair—even if they don’t get exactly what they want—they’ll still respect you. They'll walk away saying, “You know what, I didn’t win, but I wasn’t played.” And that right there? That builds reputation, trust, relationships. Which, by the way, is how you win in the long run.

Now, fairness doesn’t mean being soft. You’re not running a charity (unless you are, in which case—thank you for your service). Fairness means looking at the deal and asking: What are we both trying to get out of this? Where’s the overlap? Where’s the give and take?

And here's the secret ingredient: listening.

Fairness starts with actually hearing what the other person values. Maybe they don’t need a lower price—maybe they need faster delivery. Or better packaging. Or someone who treats them like a human being instead of a walking wallet.

So ask questions. Understand their goals. Then mark the areas where you align—and the ones where you’ll need to compromise. Because negotiation isn’t war. It’s dance. And fairness is the rhythm that keeps you from stepping on toes.

One last thing: fairness also applies to yourself. Don’t bend so far backwards to be “fair” to others that you snap your own spine. Healthy deals are mutual—they lift both sides. If you always walk away feeling like you gave more than you got, that’s not fairness. That’s martyrdom. And nobody likes a grumpy negotiator.

So go forth with this: fairness is not about giving everything—it’s about giving the right thing, to the right person, at the right time, in the right amount.